How to Overcome Barriers to Communication
Step 1
Be honest with the person you're talking to. Of course, the relationship with the person will determine how much you share with them. You'll tell much more to a partner than you would somewhat at work. However, the principle remains the same. You need to be willing to be truthful with them and be vulnerable and open about your mistakes.
For instance, with your partner, you need to be honest about what you're feeling and how certain situations affect you. For instance, if you snap at your partner, you might say, "I apologize for snapping at you. I'm feeling upset about work, and I took it out on you."
At work, you need to be open about mistakes you've made or problems you're facing. For instance, you might say, "You know what, that was my mistake. I'll get it fixed right away."
Step 2
Don't filter the message. This is similar to being open and honest about yourself, but with a key difference. When you filter a message, you withhold key information because you don't want to be blamed for it, whether it was your fault or not. You need to be able to deliver messages without removing information so that the other person can trust you.
For instance, at work, you might not tell your boss about the bad sales report because you don't want to get blamed for it. However, holding back the whole picture stifles communication and keeps you from working together effectively.
Step 3
React positively when someone is honest with you. If you're honest with others, they're more likely to be honest with you. However, if you've exploded at someone in the past or blamed them for something that wasn't their fault when they shared bad news, they're less likely to talk to you about important issues. Also, they're more likely to filter the message for you, and you won't get a clear picture of what's going on.
For instance, maybe your partner has told you in the past when your kid gets in trouble at school, but you tended to explode about it. In turn, your partner may start filtering the information they give you because they don't want you to get angry. Instead, try to react calmly to the situation and thank them for sharing the information with you.
Step 4
Calm down before having a discussion. If you're upset and your emotions are running wild, you're going to have a hard time listening and communicating with the other person. It's important that you both take time to cool off before you have a discussion. That way, you can have an honest, calm discussion.
Just let the other person you need a little while. For instance, you could say, "I do want to discuss this with you, but I need a little while to cool down. Can we come back to this in an hour?"
Step 5
Use "I" statements when discussing your feelings. "I" statements help take the blame off the other person. They allow you to express what you're thinking and feeling without putting the other person on guard.
For instance, instead of saying, "You always come home late," which is a blaming statement, say, "I feel anxious when you arrive late."
Step 6
Follow up agreements with actions. Once you compromise or come to an agreement, stick to it. Show that you're true to your word by following through with what you've said. Otherwise, in your next discussion, the other person will have a hard time believing you.
In other words, be honest in your actions as well as your words. If you say you'll be home at 6 each night, be home at 6 or call to let the person know you'll be late.
Step 7
Avoid continuing an argument just so you can win. Discussions shouldn't be about winning. They should be about coming to a compromise or agreement you can both live with. If you keep holding on to the need to win, you're just going to make both of you upset as you try to dominate every discussion.
This process requires you to regulate your emotions and your competitive drive. If you feel yourself wanting to keep arguing, step back for a second and ask yourself if it's worth it. What compromise can you live with?
Step 8
Forgive faults in other people. No one is perfect, including you! If you are constantly criticizing other people for their faults, you'll break down the roads of communication. No one wants to be around someone who's negative all the time! The next time you catch yourself continually criticizing someone, try to stop yourself or rethink what you wanted to say.
For example, if you're always telling your partner how bad they are at cleaning up, you're going to make them upset and frustrated. Instead, praise them when you see them doing something good! Then they'll want to do more things like that to please you.
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